hiii.. juz wanna sae sorry for being so ap todae... kept veri quiet n anti-social.. sorrie! esp. 2 the simple gurls!!!
juz felt tat mi veri lan in everything in life... i'm extra no matter where i go. wen other ppl gt so many close fren n i dun. and i'm juz standin there without speakin n seldom any1 rmb mi.
gettin restless in studies no mood to do homewk or study. realli wan 2 concentrate but i juz can't. i duno y. maybe i haf changed to b lazy tis yr? every1 rmb me as a smartie bookworm nerd i guess. guarantee hardworking. like wen tok bt studies...most ppl will go 'aiya..she..no nid 2 sae la. must b veri gd rite. so bian tai..bah blah..' some may be juz jokin..but it hurts..it realli does. it's pressurizing to be some1 not wat others tink u to be. especially wen i noe i'm changin yet can't stop myself.
veri lan n xtra in dance. i sux terribly at dance. my dance teacher hates mi. n i juz slack aimlessly at sessions. perhaps for the rest of my life in dhs. fat n ugly. nt graceful. juz not one hu is cut out for dance.
veri shi bai n useless as a secretary. dun think any1 will realli see mi as a secretary. i'm juz 1 hu copy stuff n type out for reference. not a comm mem? i noe i'm e weakest in comm. passive poor leadership. but it juz hurts tat u r in there yet no 1 recognize u to be 1?
addicted to tv com radio play. esp sp. keep playin till like 2 3 at nite. get scolding from mum. yet i juz can't stop.
juz veri discouraging. like there's nth to pull mi back to life b4. it's juz a sense of lost and emptiness. no1 can realli understand the pain another 1 experiences. coz all gt diff character n personality. diff experiences in life. i'm inferior by nature. i'm tryin to be one hu can b accepted by all, haf many gd frens. not coz out of pitiness or sympthay but coz i m me. but i juz can't do it. i noe it's impossible. i haf a messy life with complicated stuff. often mood swings. not outgoin. i'm juz extra. i'm perhaps juz like a passer-by to every1..makin no impact in any1's life. sumtimes maybbe troublesome to others? i duno.
tml going to pray mai papa. is first XXXXX anniversary. the poem i written earlier tis mth is for him. i miss him a lot. coz he used to be the closest to mi. i tried to hide my longing. so convincing till my mum n family 4gt tat i gt feelings 2. they miss him. so do i. y muz i be e 1 hearin their pleas of longing for him n no 1 hear mine? y muz i b like the onli 1 hu rmb my mum is alone now without compainion n nid our company? i do quarrel with her. but i do concern bt her. try to accompany her go out whenever she wan. go out with relatives blah blah. her health is nt tat gd 2. frequent pains n headaches blah blah sickness. veri worried...can't lose any1 more.
it's juz kinda torturous to be like troubled with so many failures in life. dun dare to face reality but i have 2. budden nvm. tat's is life i guess. nth is fair.
nt writing the stuff above to gain sympthay...but juz suddenly haf the urge to pour out all my troubles. can't realli like tok 2 any1. ppl r busy. esp todae mi so ap where gt face tok to others. can't tok to siblings. they r busy with their own frens.
wanna apologize again to any1 hu i upset or pissed off todae. sorry. maybbe it's gotta b long time b4 any1 cum muai blog n c tis post. juz hope u guys dun b angry la. thx.