it's the start of prelims.
first paper todae --- english.
was feelin uneasy about this whole prelims.
and i was right.
i totally sux todae.
i wrote the compo from 8.00am to 9.00am.
only to discover tat i wrote out of point.
so i rewrote the whole damn thing in 1/2 hour.
with onli 2 points instead of minimum of 3 points
and i'm left with 10 min to write my situational writing.
i didn't get to finish it.
and i didn't wrote both sides for tat miserable page tat i wrote.
which means i will fail very terribly for both
can't realli control my tears after i hand up the paper
so i cried in class
think a lot of ppl think i m a stupid nerd
went toilet to wash up
den went back class with smiles and all
concealing the pain inside
after whole thing went to eat with von
walked home alone
things juz flash thru my mind
took longer than ever to stroll home
was scared
decided tat i shld tell mai mum truthfully
but in the end i oso din
onli told part of it so tat it will not sound so bad
surprisingly she didn't scold
a look of disappointment flashed past her face
told mi to concentrate on other papers
i would rather she scold and beat me
coz i noe deep down she is feelin so disappointed
so will my father
i didn't do i promised
i flopped
i broke my promise to him
i'm sorryy. i didn't mean to.
i disappointed him and my mum.
disappointed myself too.
there's nth i can sae really satisfied about myself thru out my whole life.
onli perhaps my results.
my onli source of confidence and self-esteem.
but now. i'm losing everything. worthless.
and i'm letting so many people down.
honestly i have no more confidence in facing the rest of the prelims.
not to mention the o's.
keep freaking out.
wen the teachers going thru past year papers
i didn't know how to do.
my class seems to know it all.
and now. this proves it.
double confirm my speculation.
i'm juz trash. rubblish. worthless.
so stressed. so tiring. so pain.
i can't handle the frequent breakdowns le.
it's hard pretending tat i'm not.
trying to act all smiles and laughter.
i'm not as strong as wat ppl think.
i crumble easily.
this time without any support.
everything will probably end.