physics prac over le.
think i probably did badly.
tat stupid extension qn.
probably god wanna punish me for slacking the 2 days off.
wed went back to fengshan.
realised a lot of things have changed. the school...the teachers.. blahx blahx..
only a few tat i knew are still dere.
n surprisingly ms swee ( my choir teacher) recognize mi.
she neva change. still same outfit and look.
wen i look at fengshan memories flowed back...
how i miss the times in pri sch
where everything is so innocent and clearcut
it also highlighted to mi how much things has changed.
my old frens now like strangers.
my teachers now retired or transferred.
once again nothing lasts.
for me.
is it mai fault?
i brought everything on maiself?
todae quarrelled with family.
it suddenly feel like there's no one i can count on.
it is so hurting to noe tat i'm alone.
especially wen they hate mi so much.
i noe they dislike me a lot.
the family is still complete without me.
the words. the screaming.
the coldness.
they labelled me.
as tempermental.
as unreasonable.
as a spoilt idiot brat.
as a detestable stranger.
i tot it will be easy.
to adapt to solitary.
little i knew it's so hard.
it's great seeing people so happy.
yet in tat midst
i oso see how disastrous my life is.
how incomparable.
how insignificant.
how useless i am.
how my life is a mistake from the start.
i'm always the redundant one.
whenever others have someone else.
i feel tat the one to go should be me.
maybe i always feel tat frenships should be only one to one.
i haf no confidence to keep anyone by my side.
perhaps tat's y i believe nth lasts.
everything starts with the end in mind.
wen they start having other good frens
something juz lodged itself into my heart.
is it jealousy? is it the sense of being threatened?
i duno.
i'm afraid of losing the frenship.
but i always have the feelin tat it's mai time to go.
coz they will always be able to go on happily without me.
even though i'm been veri pessimistic in the past.
at least in tat darkness i used to hold a small little flame.
a tinge of optimism.
but duno since wen.
even that little flame has extinguished.
no more fighting spirit le.
i'm so sick of life.
i dun care le.
i eat n eat n eat.
gain a whole lot of weight. another layer of fats.
i slack and slack n slack.
like nobody's business.
i quarrel n fight n cry
like a stupid insane gal
i duno wat have becum of mi.
so many hurricanes these days.
china and us.
series after series.
then there is terrorists everywhere.
bomb here bomb there.
why dun bomb me.
is end of world cuming?
wateva.
faster cum beta.
can't stand it already.
pressure from my mother.
from so many directions.
you tink i dun wanna do well?
i can't control myself.
tat's wat makes mi even more tong ku.
i noe i'm useless.
dun nid to keep emphasizing.
anyway yesterdae gt project superstar.
wei lian won. our dear mang xia.
felt tat kelly should win actually.
but wei lian is nice too la.
actually his songs realli got gan dong dao wo.
especially the first song.
kelly yesterdae oso veri veri nice.
her last song was great.
both of them are winners.
hope they do well in future.
junyang and xinhui also performed until veri nice
they should haf contracts too.
especially junyang.
nevertheless yesterdae most exciting is lin junjie.
he rox. his vocal is nice and he is cute.
another cute person is cui peng!
the guy who act yao lie in the dragon heros on channel 8.
he's the male winner in star search'03.
from beijing. very shuai!
and oso kat-tun. nice jap music.
especially kame and jin.
blown away.
cute jap videos. veri hilarious.
tho i duno wat they toking.
next sat my grandma birthdae dinner.
gotta go and subject myself to i-duno-wat-torture.
my aunt will go 'ah u put on weight le hor'
and 'how's ur studies ah?'
den my sis will go talk to my pretty cousin.
my brother will go talk to the other guys there.
my mum as usual gotta go mingle around and talk talk.
and mi?
probably as usual stuff maiself with food.
take care of babies.
den go to the playground and stare at the sky.
how can ppl like me who can't even get along with my own family have any frens?