booie.

felt tat my blogg is veri sadistic and pessimistic. if u r happy dun read on. if u r feelin pissed the more dun read coz i'll make u more pissed.

actually i duno the above 'u' takes for hu. i mean who ever come here.


feeling down.

for the past few daes liaox?

there's so many so many stuff. so tired.

yeah my anti-sociality again wor.

juz feel so tired and sick of going to sch or even staying at home. getting along with ppl is hard. tiring. realli pei fu those hu r so popular and sociable. i can't even get along with my family. let alone frens. my mum hates mi. my sis finds mi irritating. seldom get to see my brother face. and i'm tired of the old vicious cycle everidae in sch. for ppl like mi, it's almost like 'vying' for frenship like tat. like once u relax u will lose ur frens. ppl will find others and so on. yeah. it seems rather true tho.i'm juz so damn freaking tired le. everidae is a torture. muz pretend tat i'm veri happy like tat veri siao. one thing i dawned upon is tat nth ever lasts. not kinship. not frenship. so wat if we have been thru years of sch life together. so wat if we have been thru a lot of experiences b4. nothing NOTHING lasts. but nvm. anywayx. odd number is always bad. and i happen always to be the odd one out. i always feel tat ppl are juz fu-yan-ing mi wen they tok to mi. like blahx, blahx, blahx, and many many many more.i feel so lonely...even wen my class is so bubbly with energy. like wat ms huda sae the real loneliness is not wen u r alone in a quiet place...it is wen u r in a noisy crowded place and find tat u haf no one to relate to. got so much things inside mi. wan so muchh to pour everithing out. but for a moment. i juz stared at the wall. there's no one i can actually turn to. ppl are all busy with their other frens.perhaps it's my bad irritating perosnality. perhaps i'm isn't sincere enuf. perhaps is i'm too boring. perhaps... i duno. and around me are ppl who are sooo popular. walk everywhere oso got ppl they noe. in class oso so busy. and me? dun wan to continue this cycle. everydae going to sch is a dread. juz so damn tireddd.

yesterdae was a chao ji ap day for mi. i decided to remain silent coz suddenly in the morning, i juz got so sick of the 'competing frenship-trying to find ppl to talk' thingy. no matter how hard i try, even if there is hui bao, it won't last long soon. everyone will juz leave mi eventually. anywaex perhaps partially i got a biggg headache starting in the morning. ate 2 panadols and it don't seems to work much.so i got even more irritated. went to GO and the receptionist told mi to rest first den c. so i can't realli go hum. didn't bother to squabble with her. went back to class. felt even more sad. everyone is toking to everyone else except mi. so i decided to fake sleeping. and i duno y i juz can't control my tears. lucky thing i sit in the front and no one saw. i mean who will notice mi anywaex.

den todae was even a worse dae. got o level eng oral. i tink i sux terribly. it's definitely much much wors than my prelims de. n i dun tink ms huda gave mi a A for prelim de. every1 were discussing happily after the oral. and they r like so gooddd. i guess i realli freaked out at that moment i answered all their qns with a few dumb lines onli. din even link to anything else. the worse is tat todae de isn't tat hard nor tat easy. the feeling is juz like dui bu qi myself. i'm so useless. there's so many so many pts tat i miss. i should go hang myself lahx. didn't realli wan to show the face tat i'm realli sad to my classmates. i tried to behaved normally lo. coz i tink they alreadi think tat i'm a stupid nerd. even the noisy ones bside mi oso becum so quiet now. apparently i'm juz a bore to them.

kinda ashamed of myself. i tink i realli underestimated the prelims and overestimated myself. i haven't started studying yet even tho i c so many ppl mugging over the past few daes or weeks. tot it was like last year.totally forgotton tat i'm sec 4 tis year, i got 2 years syllabus to cover. got many many papers to study for. and it's IMPT exam of life. and i tink i can't do as well as i have done for the previous years. realli feeling the stress now. can't imagine wat will my mum sae and do if i scored badly. wat will ppl think? my relatives? those ppl hu tink i'm a nerd? my siblings? and myself. i'll probably be damn disappointed and ashamed of maiself.

and at this pt of time i shouldn't be actually bothered much by personal prob like frens and stuff. yet i spend my day, wasting time, locking myself up in the room, and start pondering y ppl hate mi, y i'm so friend-less and break down. guess breakdowns are gonna be so frequent for mi in future.

i dunno wat to do.

feel so helpless.

perhaps i'm an insecure person. make a bad soulmate. a lousy friend.

perhaps i'm such a borin person. so irritating. so useless.

perhaps my tis post will make ppl hate mi even more...

perhaps... perhaps ...

i dunno how long i can hang on longer.

i'm juz so tired.

off to dreamland. probably is where i find mai peace.